My relationship with this season is… complicated, to say the least. Growing up, I don’t think I ever gave it much thought, it was just the season between winter and summer. Nothing about it caught my eye, I just did my thing as usual. But as a teen, I realized that during September, I started feeling a bit sick, often for weeks, not being able to realize why exactly. It took a few years to realize I had dealt with allergies all this time. Which, as you might expect, fueled my distaste for spring.

All the sneezing I’ve had to put up with, and so many tissues used to keep my nose under control. In some years it’s so bad, I swear it even made my throat feel funny. At times, I can’t tell if I’m feeling sick or if it’s just the allergies fucking with me. The cause of my allergies is something I’m not completely sure about, my best guess is pollen, but for some people, there are certain trees or plants that can trigger it. I probably need to get tested for it to be sure. I do think it’s strange how only as a teen I began seeing its effects. If you’re wondering about allergy pills… well, those make me feel really tired.

However, I recently came to the realization that maybe I’m not giving spring enough credit. My last few winters have been pretty rough on me, for all sorts of reasons, most of which external and beyond my control. The weather itself certainly hasn’t helped matters, all this cold makes me feel strangely gloomy for extended periods of time, and that’s coming from someone who does generally prefer colder days. It’s very overwhelming and it drains all of your energy, And this year has been the coldest in quite a while too.

So, now that winter is wrapping up, I’m starting to feel as if this warmer weather is doing a lot to lift me up after a rough winter. There’s always a decision I end up taking by this point in time that ends up making me feel so much better, my mind feels more clear, and I can let out a sigh of relief knowing things will work out. It’s been incredibly hard for me to keep myself together, and I’ve been trying to determine what’s potentially affecting me. When I talked about it with my psychologist, she says that my enviroment has a lot to do with it. And this cold weather is definitely is part of the enviroment. It doesn’t make me feel comfortable like I thought it did.

I give spring a lot of shit, but after thinking about it, I should absolutely be more thankful to it. Sure, my nose and body hates it, but if it means being in a better mood, I’m more than willing to make the compromise. I’m hoping this season will make me feel more relaxed, I’m not saying it’s always like this… but it happens more often than it doesn’t, so I’m confident.

At least the flowers are always nice. Speaking of, I did try pressing those cherry blossoms. This is what they look like, and while I don’t expect the pink color to last, they look nice and they also smell pretty good.

See you all in the next post.