It’s so strange to think that we’re almost halfway through this year already. Not too long ago, I was complaining about the heat. Now I’m about to complain about how cold it’s been lately, it’s safe to say summer is over and now it’s almost winter. And no, what little sun we do get does jack shit. So that’s great… welcome to your usually scheduled monthly recap. I don’t think this particular entry’s gonna be super long, but I’ll try to make it interesting.

The main thing I did this month was being at home, caring for my sister. I’ve never really been the type to stay cooped up inside for so long, even as a teen I liked having the occasional walks. But now that I only have free time at 6pm when it’s already getting dark… yeah. It gets pretty dangerous at night here, I have to constantly look around me to make sure no one’s behind me.

Anyway, yeah, I’ve had to take on a responsability I only had every once in a while in the past. The reason for which being that my sister’s dad now has to work, and I’m the only one available before the others arrive. We really don’t want to bother my grandma, but we have to if I need to go out to say, therapy for example. The way I’m talking about it might make it seem like I hate doing it, but y’know, much as I don’t like dealing with children, it isn’t anywhere near as annoying as it once was for me. I guess kids do become less of a nuisance the more you grow.

But I dunno, even still I don’t enjoy having to stay home for hours, unless it’s raining or something. I get bored really easily, and since I have to watch my sister, the most I can do is look at my phone, and perhaps doing some things around the house, like cleaning or washing the dishes. One good thing I can say about this is that at least it does give me some self control when it comes to money, I’ve been spending so much on random junk. Even still, somehow I still end the month with some money left over… hmm.

And these past few weeks have been pretty cold, as usual, it wasn’t a slow process, it just went from hot to cold in an instant. I’ve had to put more blankets over my bed and wearing thicker clothes to stay warm, and no matter what I do, my feet are always cold. And my hands are dry… that’s one thing I didn’t miss about the colder weather. The fog was crazy to witness as well, it’s not something I see very often.

I got two days off this month, the 1st (Labor Day) and the 21st (Navy Day). And my mom had to take the 22nd off since my siblings had no school that day, and my sister’s dad had to work. And yes, I did have to work on that day too. Oh right, I haven’t talked about work… it’s been a bit slow, and I’ve been mostly working on the same things I’ve been doing for the last two months, so just UI work. Although the other day I ran into a weird issue, and in the process of diagnosing the problem, I managed to delete all my progress. So I spent about two hours getting everything to where it mostly was. Ugh.

The weekends have been the only days where I’m truly free to go wherever I want. On the 2nd, I got myself an onigiri because I’d wanted to eat one and I wasn’t able to go to my usual destination. I got some Kewpie mayo because I wanted to see what the hype was all about. It does sorta taste like a mix between mayo and mustard, if I had to describe it.

Halfway through the month, I went out with my friend, as we do practically every month. We always use it as an opportunity to catch up with one another, talking about recent events and the things we enjoy, like cats or K-pop. On that note, I miss NewJeans… We went and looked around for a resturant, and eventually we settled for a Korean place that we had gone to before. My friend ordered the standard ramen, and I ordered the mildly spicy ramen and a corn dog.

So, how was it? Well, the ramen was pretty good. But it was spicy enough to make my face tingle, which is something that happens when I either eat spicy food, or when I’m in a voice call with an online friend. I did struggle a bit, but my spice tolerance isn’t as bad as I thought it was. The corn dog though… it had cheese and it was covered with sugar, but the sausage was white and tasted like fish. I found it off-putting enough that I just threw it away. Later, we decided to go for some drinks, my friend got a matcha latte and I bought an iced lychee tea. Then we split ways, as my friend had to go to church.

And… that’s about as interesting as my month got when it comes to extracurricular activities. I have tried to spend more time with my hobbies at home, like messing around with my old phones and going to flea markets on weekends. I’ve also continued to listen to music, although I haven’t discovered any new artists. But I’ve been getting back into listening to Michael Jackson, so there’s that. And I still miss NewJeans. Stupid record labels and their nonsensical drama.

Something that got my attention about this month in particular has been that things seem weirdly… relaxed. You may think I’m happy about that, things are stable and everything’s going smoothly. But I always find that rather unnerving, because my mind expects things to go wrong at some point. I always have that anxiety that I’ll make a stupid mistake, I’ll get fired from work or I’ll have a problem with my friends or family.

I don’t know if my fears are rational or if I’m just being really, really paranoid. I guess at some point, I got used to having problems either during the winter or late in the year. And the changing seasons certainly don’t help, I seem to experience seasonal depression practically every year sadly. I need to remind myself that all these things are in my head, which is, of course, easier said than done.

I should be happy about where I am today. I should be grateful about all the things I’ve managed to achieve these past 6 years. And I am very glad that I’m slowly but surely becoming more independent. But… I don’t know. I’ve always been super insecure, and now as an adult, it seems like every decision I take holds a lot more weight than it would’ve when I was a teen. I can’t always fall back on my mom like I would’ve been able to in the past. If something were to happen to me now, I’m not sure how I’ll handle things.

Despite this, I feel like I’m a lot more resillient than I give myself credit for. My teenage years were pretty difficult, and despite almost getting to the point of almost ending myself, I managed to make it past 18. In my second year of college, I was considering dropping out, but in the end I decided against it. And I’m so glad I did, because otherwise I doubt I’d have a job today. I’m surprised I’m still standing despite all the things I’ve gone through this decade.

I don’t know what I’m talking about by this point. Really, I just need to relax and stop overthinking all these insignificant things. I’m very guilty of doing that.

Surprisingly, I didn’t get too many things this month, or well, ones that are really that interesting at least. Here are the collectibles, so toy cars and plushies. The ones I found most interesting are the dodo plushie (it was actually made in Mauritius, where the dodo was a native species) and the taxi (it’s from a Colombian collection where it’s based on normal ass cars like it).

And here are the gadgets. Just five this time, two Android phones, two Sony Ericssons and a Palm PDA.

• Sharp FX Plus (2011): I’ve been wanting to get a Sidekick for my collection, but those are practically impossible to find here. This is so far the closest I’ll get to that, at least for now. And hey, most Sidekicks were also made by Sharp, so I’d say it counts. This is a US market Android phone for AT&T, it seems it belonged to someone who used to travel a lot to other countries, including of course, to the US. It also had some uh… interesting videos. I won’t describe what they are lol. Overall this is a unique addition, and it’s in pretty good shape, the keyboard mechanism is surprisingly smooth.
• Samsung Galaxy Mini (2011): I’ve been wanting to add one of these to my collection as it’s actually the first Android phone I’ve ever used, but they’re all in awful shape. This is by far the best one I’ve found. I would’ve preferred it if it was like green like the one I used, but this will do just fine. Other than that, it’s just your standard cheap Android phone from the time, it’s nothing tremendously special.
• Sony Ericsson J105/Naite (2009): I already had one of these, but it was in awful shape. This time, I was able to find another one in much better condition. It was one of the first “GreenHeart” devices from Sony Ericsson, being made out of recycled materials. It was also one of their first phones to use standard Micro SD cards.
• Palm Tungsten E2 (2005): Now, last month I had bought the original Tungsten E, and here is the follow up. The E2 looks a lot like its predecessor, but it has a faster processor and Bluetooth. It turns out that the E had a busted battery though, and the E2 had a broken touchscreen. So I ended up taking the display from the E (it’s actually identical and interchangeable between models), and now it’s fully working after charging it (luckily it uses the same cable as the TX). I think you can tell PDAs are now a permanent addition to my collection.
• Sony Ericsson T610 (2003): Here is a phone I’ve been wanting to get for a while, and well, I found one for a reasonable price. It was notable for being the model that put Sony Ericsson on the map, it got a lot of praise at the time for its mid-century Scandinavian inspired design. This one is in good shape, it just has a bit of wear on the keys. And it works perfectly. This was my most expensive purchase, by the way lol.

Well, that’s it for May. Not a terrible month all things considered, it did feel pretty heavy in general when you factor in having to take care of my sister, but somehow I didn’t collapse. It’s weird, by this point I’m already about to lose it like last year, but it went completely against my expectations. No chaos, nothing too terrible happened… it was just cold and kind of boring. Certainly better than a month that goes over my limits, like last December.

I have nothing to look forward to next month, if I’m being honest. I am supposed to go out with friends on the 6th, but as far as anything else meaningful, well, that’s it really. We’ll see if it turns out to be any good, but until then, I’ll have to find ways to relax. I feel a bit tense thinking about work, I don’t even know if I’m doing the right things. Hopefully it all works out either way.

See you all in the next post.

I miss NewJeans.